About this series: The journey to self-care is a 5-part blog series from Latika. We created it after years of conversations with customers about what helps, and what gets in the way. Each part is short. Each builds on the last. For the full story, start at part 1.
Part 3: the turn, and the first small move
In part 2, we looked at the whole road. This part is where we take the first actual step inside the day you already live.
It is two moves, back to back. One internal. One practical. Both small.
The turn
The turn is internal. It is the moment a question shifts inside you.
Up to now, the question has been about what is happening. Why am I so tired? Why doesn't the weekend restore me? Why is there never any time?
The turn is when the question becomes: what is one thing I want to do today, for me?
Self-determination research, led over decades by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, points to one element as the foundation of any lasting change. They call it autonomy: the sense that what you are doing is your own choice. Autonomy is what makes a change stick.
This turn happens when autonomy returns to you. You notice that the priority list has been running in your head on someone else's rules for a long time. You notice you can add a different line to it. One line, this afternoon. One small one.
That is the turn.
The first small move
The first move is a single small thing, today, that belongs to you.
It should be small. Five minutes. Ten at most. Small enough that doing it doesn't require an argument with yourself.
A handful of examples that tend to work for women in demanding lives:
- Making a cup of tea or coffee, then sitting with it for the whole cup instead of drinking it at your desk.
- Putting your phone on the kitchen counter for the length of one errand.
- Texting a friend to schedule something, even a month out, for the two of you.
- Walking to the end of the block and back, alone, with no other purpose.
- Saying no to one ask today that you would usually say yes to.
None of these is heroic. That is the point.
The reason for small is research, not a preference. Behavior scientist BJ Fogg found that most behavior change fails because people start too big. Small moves, repeated, are what build self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is what keeps the next small move possible.
You do not need to be perfect to begin. You need to begin.
What happens after
The first move is smaller than it looks, and more important than it feels. It is the thing that makes the rest of the road walkable.
Part four is where we take what you start today and fold it into the rest of your day. Small upgrades to the time you already have, so care becomes something that happens inside your life.
See you at part four. [Links to parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 ]
Sources and further reading
- Ryan, R.M. & Deci, E.L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68-78. Self-determination theory resource hub
- Fogg, B.J. (2019). Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. tinyhabits.com
- Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.
- Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2023). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change and Grow (4th ed.). Guilford Press. MINT: Understanding Motivational Interviewing
